Because of you

I've become connsumed by you
Obsessed with you
I can't stand the thought of being away from you

I don't want to feel these feelings
I don't want to be with you
but my heart won't allow me to do
anything else

I want to be free
Free to discover me
Who I am
What I like
What I dislike
To learn how to be alone
To be happy by myself

My heart betrays what my mind and soul demand
My hear wants what it wants and no
Matter how much it hurts or you hurt me
My heart wants
It wants you

Hurt me you do
Continue you will
You just don't see how you hurt me
No matter how I try to show you
To describe

There are some things in this world
We are oblivious to the pain you
Cause me is one of yours

I love you
Want to be with you
But I know its over
It should be over
But my heart won't allow it to be

Loving you hurts me
What does loving me cost you?
Are you as conflicted as I?

My love my heart bleeds for you
It aches for you
I've made sacrifices for you
To be with you
To have and hold you
What have you sacrificed for me?

I can't live with this duality
One or the other
I must choose
What will I choose?
The pain of being with you?
Or
The pain of being with you?
Which will I choose?

Fighter, Survivor, Leader

To live it means we must Fight, Survive, and lead those who cannot help themselves

No matter what we've been through

No matter what we've done

No matter the past

Only the present matters

Victims we are no longer

It is our time to excel

The skills we have learned are now invaluable

The things we went through are suddenly just the skill set that the world is looking for

No longer can we hide

We must FIGHT

We must continue to SURVIVE

We must LEAD

Everything we've gone through has amounted to this one place and time

We're being tested and now it the time

Now is the time to go fort with and show the world what we can do

The skills we've learned in hand and our instincts to rule us we walk out into the world

To see the damage left behind we slowly pick up the pieces and begin to put the world back together one person at a time

A job that is seemingly endless but if not for us who would help the world move forward in times like these

Its a job I gladly accept 

All my skills are needed now in this one time 

In this one place

I'm no longer an outcast I am one of the crowd only a little better prepared than the rest so they  look to me to guide them

They look to me for clues

How can I let them down

To fight

To survive

To lead 

This my motto it will be

To fight

To survive

To lead

This is who I will become

Who will follow?

Who is strong enough to help to carry this load?

One day I'll find you and together we'll help to right this world

Until then

I'll fight

I'll survive

I'll lead

It's all I know to due, I've done it time and time again

Its time I let go and believe in myself  

Take your best shot world

I'll will survive to fight and lead another day

Alone

Nothing scares me more than the thought of being ALONE in this world
Yet I find that's exactly what I am
Alone
Cold
And too afraid to ask for help
No one really see's me
Just the "ME" I project onto the world
My heart is cold
My soul is numb
Family I have
Friends some too
But not one of them see's me as clearly as I
See myself right now
Everyone see's the girl they want to see:
Victim
Lover
Friend
Happy
Damaged
The list goes on
No one sees me the way I see myself
Scared, cold and too afraid to let anyone close because of all the pain others have caused
So I stay alone deep down
Down in my heart
In my soul
I cling to certain people and things
All to keep from physically being alone
Things and people keep my mind away from the sadness that is my life
Except for now when I'm quiet enough and alone for it to surface
Yes I've been dealt crappy hand from birth
With certain people BUT
I've been given the good as well
I blame my life on no one or thing
Things just happen and when you stuff things so deep inside and add hurt on top of hurt
Blame on top of blame
it builds up
Sometimes its better to be alone cause then you can't hurt people
I can't shake this feeling
This pain
This hatred and anger
At not only myself but at the world
This I all feel inside
This I don't want to focus on or deal with because it hurts
Yet everyone tells me to be alone
I yell "I AM ALONE" what more do you want from me world
I'm half here
And half gone
Go any further and I'll lose myself completely
This will be the death of me

I Can't Say "NO" to You

I can't say "No" to you!
No matter what I do
I can't say "No" to you!
I've lost who I am when I'm with you
I can't say "No" to you!
my heart is breaking in two
yet anything you ask is yours
It's so unfair that I can't say "No" to you!
No matter what I try
No matter what I do
I can't say "No" to you!
Anything you ask I give
I've lost my mind just to be  with you
It's time I try
It's time I win
This time...
I will say "No" to you!

Maybe No One Will See

Maybe no one will see if I close off my heart to the world
Maybe no one will see if i slowly start to die and wither away
Maybe no one will see if i pretend to be somone or something I'm not
Maybe the world will forget me and leave me be
Maybe if the world ran on maybe's I wouldn't be in the place I am writing this poem
Maybe on day the pain will end and happiness will begin
Maybe that's all we have in this world
is a big jar full of maybes with no promises
Maybe,
Maybe it'll all be ok one day
only just MAYBE

Love

Love
is a feeling that is deeply felt
Love
last only until death
Love
is powerful
Love
is all consuming
Love
is blind
Love
deceives
Love
is many things but it is not painless

The Mirror

I look in the mirror
The image I see is distorted
Is  this for real
Is this how I appear
Is this who people see
Or is this just the ME inside of me
Who's distorted image do I see
Is it mine
or
An image the world WANTS me to see
Who am I
What do I look like
Am I as beautiful inside and out
or
Am I deformed and ugly to match my insides
Who does the world see
and
What does the world WANT me to see in return