Alone

Nothing scares me more than the thought of being ALONE in this world
Yet I find that's exactly what I am
Alone
Cold
And too afraid to ask for help
No one really see's me
Just the "ME" I project onto the world
My heart is cold
My soul is numb
Family I have
Friends some too
But not one of them see's me as clearly as I
See myself right now
Everyone see's the girl they want to see:
Victim
Lover
Friend
Happy
Damaged
The list goes on
No one sees me the way I see myself
Scared, cold and too afraid to let anyone close because of all the pain others have caused
So I stay alone deep down
Down in my heart
In my soul
I cling to certain people and things
All to keep from physically being alone
Things and people keep my mind away from the sadness that is my life
Except for now when I'm quiet enough and alone for it to surface
Yes I've been dealt crappy hand from birth
With certain people BUT
I've been given the good as well
I blame my life on no one or thing
Things just happen and when you stuff things so deep inside and add hurt on top of hurt
Blame on top of blame
it builds up
Sometimes its better to be alone cause then you can't hurt people
I can't shake this feeling
This pain
This hatred and anger
At not only myself but at the world
This I all feel inside
This I don't want to focus on or deal with because it hurts
Yet everyone tells me to be alone
I yell "I AM ALONE" what more do you want from me world
I'm half here
And half gone
Go any further and I'll lose myself completely
This will be the death of me